Outlaw Looking For A Bed

“I need a bed with a good, hard, strong wood.”

He said with a verbose

Argentinian accent.

While he said this

He raised his forearm

Bent up

At a right angle

Fist clenched

Winking and smiling at me

To make sure

I understood

His erection joke.

I did.

He did this in front of his obese

Sloppy white girlfriend.

In contrast

He was very tan and fit.

A skinny biker dude

With lots of blue-grey tattoos on his arms.

Dressed like a farmer

In jeans

Worn cowboy boots

And a tank tee-shirt

With a cigar box

Tucked into it

Right above his heart.

He wore a frayed straw cowboy hat.

His dirty grey goatee

Hung down about 3” below his chin.

He was centered by

A giant bronze medallion 

Belt buckle.

An unseen cloud

Of cigar smoke

Followed him

As he led his woman around

Looking at the beds on display.

When he found one he liked

He would grab it by the headboard

And give it a good violent shake

Rattling it to it’s core

Aggressively

Like he was wrangling an alligator.

He’d look at his ivory prize

And say something to her in Spanish

Using a firm, controlling

Loud voice

And then laugh 

Pervertedly

Indicating that this bed would not

Hold up to their action.

He’d say a few more things

In Spanish

And move on to the next one

Repeating his previous actions.

Finally

He stopped at one

And it didn’t move

Whatsoever.

Didn’t budge

When he tried to shake it.

“Amigo!”

He called me.

“How much ees thees bed?”

“What size?”

I asked him.

“Size for a king!”

He laughed through cigar teeth and beard.

I told him the price.

“Oh no.”

He said.

“If I told my momma I peed that much for a bed...”

He dragged his finger slowly

Across his throat

Gesturing a slitting.

“I kid you not.”

He caught my surprised grin.

“She made me sleep on the wooden floors with the sheeps and the goats when I was

  a boy!”

He said to me as he left shaking his head.

“The most sturdy bed I ever had my friend!”