Air Conditioner

Early morning phone call.
First day of a heat wave.

“You better powder yer giblets! It’s gonna be a hot one!”

“Now I know why Jimmy Buffet doesn’t wear underwear.”

“I’m gonna be sweating like Rosie tearing through a bucket of Xtra Grease KFC!”

“Where’s the Bounty? The quicker picker upper?”

On the street corner
With a cup of hot coffee
Chatting with mah homies.

“It’s gonna be another scorcher out here.”

“104 for sure.”

“You’re balls are gonna be dragging in the sand making drawings like an Etch A Sketch .”

“My balls are gonna be dragging like yer momma’s bottom or a rusty muffler. Whichever
hangs lower.”

“Throw some Blue Gold Bond on and it’s like smoking Newports down there.”

Later that night.
On the phone again.

“Jeezus, it’s fuckin’ hot out! I’m melting like Michael Jackson’s nose over here!”

“Coop’s power is out. Her pancake will be so yeasty, she’ll piss beer when
she wakes up.”

“I’d be willing to go down on the Good Humor Man just to get cooled off.”

“Put your cock ring in the ice box with the butt plug.”

And for some reason
The conversations about the weather ends there.

I hang up the phone
Laughing to myself.

That last statement seems
The most plausible...

The most refreshing
Like a giant Slushee
Or a dip in a cool olympic size swimming pool
Or an air conditioner turned on full blast
Icicles forming on the vents.

Sage advice
Offered from a fellow brother
Suffering
As I am.

Sweating his units off
Several different zip codes
Away.

And he’s right.

A frozen butt plug
Up my ass
Would really
Cool me off.