The Undeniable Face Of Howard Stern Found Upon A Moldy Vegetable Pulled Out Of My Fridge In Hopes Of Using It For Dinner

I took out the half used squash
From my refrigerator
To make the rest of my dinner.

There on the cut end
Mold had formed
And I swear to God
That it was a portrait of Howard Stern
With his long kinky hair
And big hooked Jewish nose.

Cross my heart and
Hope to die
It spoke

“Babba Booey”.
“Babba Booey”.

I’m a private person
And certainly couldn’t handle the celebrity
Of calling the New York Post
To announce
That I had the exact likeness
Of Howard Stern
Portrayed in blue-green fungie
On a vegetable
That I had just pulled
From a drawer in my fridge.

Front page news.

Plus
I’m in Jersey
So my rationale was
By the time they got their
News squandrons out here
It might not look anything like Howard Stern
At all.

“Save yourself the embarassment”
I thought.

So I cut off the moldy part
And threw it away.
Then I sliced up the firm bits
Adding them to the pan
With the rest of the vegetables.

I sauteed that squash
And thought of strippers
And porn stars
And money.

The vegetables caramellized
A nice golden-brown in the pan.

I thought about
Howard Stern
Being as big as Jesus.

I thought about
A missed opportunity.

Jesus walked across the water.
Howard Stern appeared on a vegetable.

I started digging through the trash
However embarrassing
As that might be.