Employees Must Wash Hands





I entered the men’s room
And cut a hard right
To the urinal.

I was trying to relax
As I stood there
Letting nature work
When I heard the most terrible sounds
And grunting coming from the far stall.

Something very unpleasant was happening
In there...
Or dying.

Nature wasn’t working too well for him.

Then I heard a cell phone
Start ringing muffled.

“Please don’t”, I said to myself, “Please don’t”.

The sound of movement
And ringing
Fumbling
Ringing getting louder.

“Please don’t”. Mantra.

More grunting
As he undoubtably fishes it out
Because it is ringing loudly.

Pause.

Ring!

“Please don’t”

“Yeah!”

“No, no, no...”

“I’m on the second floor!”

“No! I’m in the bathroom!” his voice echoed out of the stall
Into the rest of the public space.

“This is so wrong” I tell myself.

“No, I’m in the bathroom!” Gas escapes.

“Look. Stop bothering me. I’ll be down in a moment.”

I can hear her annoying voice
Over the speaker of the phone.

“No. Don’t bother coming up here. I’ll meet you downstairs.”

Heavy breathing while she barks something else.

“I didn’t want to come out shopping to begin with! You made me.”

I couldn’t take it anymore.

I zipped up
Turned around
And washed my hands
The sound of water
Drowning out all else.

I quickly opened the door
Making my swift exit.

I immediately proceeded down the escalator
Moving directly to the entrance of the store
Avoiding looking at anyone
For fear that I would catch a glimpse
Of the ugliness that was on the other end of the phone.

I made it outside and breathed in
The unusually humid Spring air
Carrying the scent of the Mexican joint
Up the street.

There amidst the smell of onions
Peppers
Seasoned beef, chicken
And corn tortillas

I felt dirty, disgusted and defeated.

Any hope for the human race
Squashed
By one person’s decision
To answer the phone
While sitting/shitting on a toilet.