House Rules

If it’s yellow

Let it mellow

If you piss on the rim

Or seat

And don’t wipe it up

If you come in with

An illegal handgun

If you’re looking 

For an unwarranted 3-way

If you’re looking through

Our medicine cabinet

Or dresser drawers

If you can’t carry in/carry out

Or if you litter whatsoever

If you’ve voted for any 

Of the Bush’s

If it involves a traceable bullet

Police

Or the Feds

I’m done with them

If you’re on the sexual predators list

I don’t care how punk rock you are

But if you don’t like Nina Simone

If you don’t think

A man can love another man

Or a woman

Can love another woman

If you think that it is weird

That a guy

Can wear pink

And look really good

If you’re a trophy hunter

And kill living things

Just for the thrill

If you shop at Walmart

Wear a Rolex

Post pictures of your cock

On social websites

Have no conscience of global warming

If you color between the lines

Or don’t color at all

If you wear pajama pants 

In public

Scratch that

Because you wouldn’t be

Even allowed in my house

If you can’t dance

To fucking James Brown

If you’re a pathological liar

If you’re willing to throw somebody else

Under the bus

To save your ass

If you shoot fireworks 

Off of the top 

Of your head

Like an idiot

Or post non compos mentis selfies

Your dinner 

Is drive-through

You’ve never been to a library

You sweat asshole-ishness

If it’s red, yellow, blue

Orange, green

Purple or brown

Flush it down and
Get out of town!!!